23 September, 2010

270 days of summers

It became a tradition, that every summer dramatically changes my life.

In 2008 my engineering skills were too low for real development, but I had been accepted into Google Summer of Code and it changed my vision of what development and engineering are. I understood that programming languages are mostly like human one: most important is what you say and not just speaking style. You can know language well, but you can have nothing to say.

At the same time I had very strong family problems: cancer started to kill my lovely granny, who was my best friend and mentor all my life. Now I see, all that pain made me much stronger and I studied a lesson, that every day is important in our life and nobody knows what can happen tomorrow.

Nothing as important as people who love us and whom we love, and it's stupid to waste the time fighting for good reputation and status in "gangs" you don't respect and who never will understand you. The only thing you should do is to build your own word, but not to try to change our big blue sphere whining why most part of people have forgotten what is love, friendship, honor and adherence to the principles. Lieutenant colonel Dmitry Razymovskiy (Vympel, Russian FSB/FSS) sayed: "If a person is not your friend, he is not there for you, if an enemy - he should not exist at all".

To the beginning of summer 2009 I was fully broken: granny just died, I failed to cancel academical vacation and to start next course in university (started the same I had before vocation). The only good thing I had was an offer from Professor Tanenbaum to hack on MINIX 3. It was the thing which helped me to survive after everything that happened. My two projects I've done for MINIX 3 (FPU hardware support and ext2 file server), the team (especially Ben Gras, Thomas Veerman, David van Moolenbroek — the people on whom I want to be like) protected me from the thoughts about past. I enjoyed implementing interesting things (ext2 project was very challenging project for me). It's unforgettable time.

Summer 2010. Just finished ext2, was waiting for a new project from Prof. Tanenbaum.
During summer I met two girls, who gave me good lessons:

1. It's OK if somebody loves you and you don't — it's just a normal situation and the only thing to take care about is not to hurt another one. Good thing is that I was the person who didn't love. This helps when you get into situation which is vice verse: then you don't say "Why???", you just say "Damn!" :-)

2. When you have a real love, the whole courting phase is not the same as seduction of a girl you want, but it's a part of romantic relationships, a very pleasant part which full of spiritual experiences, dreaming, suffering and joys. When you have a true love you become : not only the result is important, but all the "technology" in general. You don't fall into "I want just sex with this pretty girl", wanting her means wanting to know what kind of person she is, what she's doing every day. You need, no, you have to know her plans, thoughts and dreams.

At the same time I was "studying" second lesson, I got an offer from an IT corporation which does data storage. And I had to do a tough choice: freelancing on Prof. Tanenbaum or full day work in a good US company. Regular financial problems and at some point that girl forced me to leave MINIX 3 and start working at the office. I miss MINIX 3 and the team, but I'm happy: not only finances fixed, but everyday I meet interesting people whom I respect for their engineering skills and high technical level. Office is better than mailing lists and IRC. I'm working three weeks already and already hacking (Yai, bash scripting!). The only thing which I'm worried about is feeling, that I can do my job much better than now and to have my day better organized.

What was this all about? Life is an amazing thing and it worth living. We have to do choices very often, but many random events affect our decisions. A big mistake some geeks do is trying to find manual to factorize everything and to get full control: you can't, stop searching that mythical man pages and start living.
Don't learn to live, live to learn! :-) Build your own world with your own community and don't fuck with the rest.

P.S. From summer 2009 I have two unclosed issues: I want AST to sign me a book and to to treat Ben drinking. Well it seems I have to travel to Amsterdam :D


Balázs Béla said...

Hey man! Glad to see everything worked out. Take care, my friend.

Evgeniy Ivanov said...

Thanks! You too :-)